Understanding what you are in control of and what you are not

As a fitness coach & mentor, I speak to lots of people who are interested in getting back in shape to look amazing again; fix their nutrition because of all the process foods they have consumed in the past; or just want to feel good about themselves when they look in the mirror or receive compliments from others.

In order to attain any of these goals, at least for me, I always hold a consultation first.  This gives me an idea of who they are as a person; do their goals match up with who they are, and does their purpose align with their desires.

During my consults there is one particular question I ask: “What made you come in and decide to sit down with me today”?  You see, in order to live well (to find somewhat of a balance in your life) you must be able to differentiate between things that are worth fretting about and things that are not worth fretting about.

And this is where it can become confusing for a lot of us.  There are some things you are not responsible for and cannot change. Likewise, there are some things you are responsible for and have control of and can change.

Now, at a quick glance, you might think this list is long (on both sides of this statement).  But in actuality, it is very simple.  So today, I would like to share these examples with you.

Let’s look at some examples. Here are 5 things that are up to you.  In other words, you have total control over.

1. Your Judgment

You can argue with other people’s point of view quite easily, (just look at your newsfeed on social media) but you can also argue with your own point of view. You have the power to question your own opinions and reason your way to wiser judgments.  Before getting into it with someone regarding your own personal view, you have the power to question what your response is going to be.  Pause for a moment and truly think about what you are going to say.  Will it offend?  Will it bring a peace?  Does it make sense?  You even have the power to not respond at all.

2. Your Impulse (emotional triggers)

You may not be able to control your knee-jerk reactions to a situation, which often lasts just a few seconds, but you always have the power to exercise patience or self-control to override your impulses and form better judgments about how to proceed. It may not be easy, but it is certainly possible and therefore within your control.  Think of it as your “emotional triggers”.  What sets you off before even thinking about what your response will be.  Think deep about what triggers that response from you.  Pause, catch yourself, and think it through.  I have had many consults that were just emotional triggers that brought you to me.

3. Your Desires

You may argue that one cannot control their own desires, but this is not entirely true. If you take an extreme example such as someone addicted to heroin, you will see that even though the stirrings of desire may remain with them for life, they can displace this desire with an ever more powerful desire: the desire to be sober.  Or in my case, during a consult, I ask what it that you desire most from my coaching?  The answer is different with everyone, but in most cases, we discover it wasn’t just about losing the weight.

4. Your Hatreds

Anxiety and fear are often made much worse when the thing that one fears is avoided. One’s emotions, in the grip of such fear will motivate one to avoid the source of the fear. However, we can override this aversion and confront that which we fear. This mechanism is one of the fundamental pillars to personal growth.  This is where our coaching and mentoring play a role.  You may fear your first training session with us, nerves and anxiety kick in and before you know it, you are canceling (for some unknown made-up reason) that you truly believe. In our training, you are not alone in this.  We are here to support, encourage, guide, mentor – One day at a time, one session at a time.  Breathe and move.

5. Your Mental Abilities

If we find that we are lacking in some area mentally, we have the power to improve and learn. This is the heart of “self-improvement.” If we apply ourselves with enough effort to the task of improving our mental faculties, incredible transformations can occur.  Your mindset is on fire, you see the world around you in a positive light, and your perception is sharp and alert.  In addition, with us, you will see a reduction in your weight, inches, and body fat.  You’ll see lean muscle taking form on your body.  Receive compliments from others which is what drives your motivation to continue.

Note: These are the main Things within your control (a positive outcome once you identify them).  Think in a general sense as root actions or the short term instrumental steps toward a larger goal.  That is the method we train by:  small dedicated steps, consistently without excuse, every day until it becomes habitual.

On the other side, there are many things that are not up to you and you ought to fret about.

Here are 3 categories of things that aren’t up to you:

Your Body

You have the power (again, root actions) to change your judgments about eating, alter your desires about attending the gym or our program, lose weight/tone your body, and overcome your hatreds to healthy eating. But you don’t have direct control over you genetics, your height, your eye color, your bone structure, your bone density, your immune system, your susceptibility to illness, and the chance of experiencing an accident or death.  Just look at COVID19, not matter how healthy you think you are, you are susceptible to this virus.

Material Possessions

You have the power (root actions) to read books on making money, cultivating the desire to work more, and improve your mental faculties so that you can increase the likelihood of acquiring more material possessions. But with all that, you may still fail. Your wealth may be stripped from you; your items may be stolen. There are many things that could happen, outside of your control that may stifle your attempts to gain or maintain material possessions.  Remember this; you came into this world with nothing and you will inherently leave the same way.

Other People’s Opinions of You

You have the power (root actions) to try to improve your social skills, and you can try to create judgments and desires that help you to become more liked and respected, but ultimately this is not within your direct control. The social class you were born into, the way you look, the tone of your voice, the color of your skin, the past experiences of the person you’re interacting with, the amount of sleep they had, and a million other factors go into how you are perceived by others.  Don’t try to change in order to “fit in” you must learn to be comfortable in your own skin and not fret or worry about other’s opinions.  I have met with people during my consults where they were worried or concerned about what their own family and friends would say regarding their own transformation.

As always, if you’re ready to do the work, look for a Coach and sit down and share your story with them.  Let them guide, mentor, and coach you to that phenomenal life you always wanted.

So, if we can support you in your decision toward your best life, just CLICK HERE to let me know, and I’ll get right back with you or CLICK HERE and fill out our fitness survey. I would love to hear your story.

To Your Success,

Kipp – KALFIT Coach & Mentor

P.S. If you can relate and need guidance or just someone to listen to your story, CLICK HERE for a free consult.  If you are ready or need more info about our summer session – click our FIT&LEAN2020