Victim or Survivor

There is no better time than right now for people to gain an understanding of how to become resilient.  I feel that this is one of the most under rated characteristic traits that we overlook the most.  During this tiresome time of the pandemic, it is a quality we need to identify & master.  Resiliency is an approach to sustainability with a focus on how to create aptitude to deal with unexpected change. Or, in other words, how to win in any situation.  Winning isn’t always about coming in 1^st place.  It’s regarding finding the positive in any situation you are facing and exploiting it.

As a former Marine, character traits (also referred as leadership traits) is something you learn from day one.  As a young Marine, the acronym “JJDIDTIEBUCKLE” was common knowledge and was advocated to the highest standard.  Justice, Judgment, Dependability, Initiative, Decisiveness, Tact, Integrity, Endurance, Bearing, Unselfishness, Courage, Knowledge, Loyalty, & Enthusiasm.  These are the traits that leaders are built from, having a little of each, is what can create your resiliency.

While people vary dramatically in the coping skills they use when confronting a crisis, academics have identified some key characteristics of resilience.  Some of these you may already exhibit.

Many of these skills can be developed and strengthened, which can improve your ability to deal with life’s setbacks.

Resilient people are aware of situations, their own emotional reactions, and the behavior of those around them. In order to manage feelings, it is essential to understand what is causing them and why. By remaining aware, resilient people can maintain control of a situation and think of new ways to tackle problems.  Always finding a way to win.

Another characteristic of resilience is the understanding that life is full of challenges. While we cannot avoid many of these problems, we can remain open, flexible, and willing to adapt to change.

Here are some other characteristics of people who have strong coping skills.

Sense of Control

Do you perceive yourself as having control over your own life? Or do you blame outside sources for failures and problems?

Generally, resilient people tend to have what psychologists call an internal focus of control. They believe that the actions they take will affect the outcome of an event. Of course, some factors are simply outside of our personal control, such as natural disasters or a pandemic.

While we may be able to put some blame on external causes, it is important to feel as if we have the power to make choices that will affect our situation, our ability to cope, and our future.

Problem-Solving Skills

Problem-solving skills are essential. When a crisis emerges, resilient people are able to spot the solution that will lead to a safe outcome. In dangerous situations, people sometimes develop tunnel vision. They fail to note important details or take advantage of opportunities only focused on the negative outcome and negative surroundings.  Resilient individuals are able to calmly and rationally look at the problem and envision a successful solution which is also a huge leadership trait.

Strong Social Connections

Whenever you’re dealing with a problem, it is important to have people who can offer support. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people provides the opportunity to discuss the challenges you are facing.  By sharing, you create an excellent way to gain perspective, look for new solutions, or simply express your emotions regarding how you feel.

Friends, family members, co-workers, and online support groups can all be potential sources of social connectivity.  But be careful, generally speaking, social media today has an overwhelming amount of negativity that can drive you into that method of thinking.

Identifying as a Survivor, Not a Victim

When dealing with any potential crisis, it is essential to view yourself as a survivor. Avoid thinking like a victim of circumstance and instead, look for ways to resolve the problem. While the situation may be unavoidable, you can still stay focused on a positive outcome.

Being Able to Ask for Help

This is something I have an issue with.  While being resourceful is an important part of resilience, I know that it is also essential to know when to ask for help. I still don’t know why I don’t ask for help.  Maybe it’s from my upbringing or from my childhood.  Still working on this as I am still searching for ways to improve on my own resilience.  Just know, when in a crisis, people can benefit from the help of psychologists and counselors specially trained to deal with these types of situations.

Take a moment, pause, and really take a look at your surroundings.  Do you have a survivor’s mentality?  Here in the U.S. I see a lot of us playing the victim’s role.  Have you ever visited or lived overseas in a third world country? To experience that type of culture, you begin to realize living here in the US of A, is not so bad.  We have an abundance of opportunity here, you just have to know where to look.

Look into yourself, begin to change your mindset, and see the world in a whole new light.

To your inevitable change,

Kipp – KALFIT Coach & Mentor